Desires - a little steamy; a little unwavering.

At times my discreet inner desires conflicts with my modest desire to live.
Slightly fancier, a bit kinkier; it rests beside the gateway of my dreams,
from where my life is suppose to begin. I'm wedged in between.

I feel life a little controlled by me. Even if I believe I’ve the stern, my boat is steered and dragged away by the waves;
duly unknowing its path.

Tapping along the tides I go nowhere. I can’t understand why I can’t be me?

Why I’m always been like a grim-faced tart who split his ice lollies on the ground?
Why shouldn’t I be bold enough to control my wicked mind which is stealing away my grace?

Is a sitting lame duck is me? Sometimes I do feel the same.

How I could appease two desires at once? How would I know which one will eventually take me to the road I desire?
Is this tricky extended game itself is life? Is the same happening to all of us?

Desires - a little steamy; a little unwavering, propels our life. still we don't get almost half of the halves we desired?
yet we get something. And we live on.
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Do you miss anything?

Have you ever heard a voice within you say – ‘do it or don’t do it’?
Did you ever listen to it?
Why have you been ignoring it?
Did you gain anything by not responding to your heart’s vibes?
Shouldn’t you be a little more considerate to your master inside?
Why did you veer away?
Don’t you miss something?
Isn’t it what you've vaulted as the memories – lost?
Now, can you hear the sound of silence?
Listen.
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Inevitable necessity!

Why do my eyes twitch?
Why don’t my wounds heal?
Why do a few sounds still rumbling inside me?
How do people change?
Is it the way life should be?
Is this the way life changes?
Inevitable necessity!
I’m unable to find an answer.
What should I be doing?
What else for there is hope?
For what else there is tomorrow?
Why should I change to changes?
I will be me!
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The innocence of silence.

No one to listen. No one to be listened.
No one aside to experience the unexpected furious wind.
Isn’t it all we need at times?
The morbid innocence of silence - the loneliness.
It’s hard to fathom the depth of loneliness.
We dig it deeper by scuffling breathe.
Nothing is any clear than a belief to hope there is a tomorrow in waiting.
Even this stagnation has life!
a silent life.
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As in every fairy tale...

As in every fairy tale, once; I also got stuck into love. Indeed it was only me. It was a single-sided dream. Lately did I know, I was a paranoid who believed, I was being loved. It was like: I loved- she didn’t love- something broke inside my heart- her marriage- a trip into the mountains- a song dedication- the same gloomy end marking a new beginning!

But there were a few whom I loved more than me for not any Romeo reasons. I simply loved them to be with them for the want of being with them. You may call them your friends, your other-gene brother or sister, or whatever you’d love to call. You’re happy, you are energized and much above all; you are you, when along with them. What else is fun? What else is life? Why everyone needs a chocolate when dusk falls?

I have had two such little dear rascals’. I was 'Bhayya' and a 'Cheda' for them.

'Bhayya- dear' once said: “I don’t know what I feel, but one thing is sure, I’m luckier now! I’ve a brother.”
Today I don’t know where she is.

'Cheda-dear' once said: “Cheda! Certain irritating mannerisms of yours are stark similar to my own brother, especially when you try to impose your authority and restrict my freedom (of speech!)"
I know where she is, and I know why she doesn't pick up when I call. She is having fun! She loves to have fun with me…

Chocolates are with me. Would i ever be able to share with them?

Ever did I consider them as women? Why did they ignore me? I don't have an answer. There isn't a greater pain, when on a fine day you recognize: your heart is not responding to you. When every emotion turns dull grey, you live to forget all those were unforgettable. From this day a pain begins to grow in your throat. You are not you again.

Isn't it more a fairy like tale?
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What I need now (2)

I dream about my dreams.
I speak what my silence tells.
I would love to go beyond what was beyond until.
I’d love to see me happy – for who else should I be the same?
I want my life; if not a day more than I’m destined.
If I die now, today is my second day after death...
I love living as me
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What I need now.

I would never propagate a rebellion leaving me behind.
I’m committed to me!
I’d been killing my today marrying yesterday’s worthless memories.
I do agree, some are hard to wipe off. God damn it.
Does this holy crap would take a whole lot from you?
Yeah.. I'm talking about morbid turned memories.
What would you do? Do you have an answer?
I'd say - 'Live for you and only for you.' (Do I sound a geek?)
I would no more mute me again – I’m taking me into my desires!
Let me learn to see today.
I need this day.
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