Sleep. Think.

Often there are setbacks for all. There are miseries. When vagaries of people whom we loved make us feel go wary; we go blind, numb and deaf opening all our senses. We feel we are at a point of no return. We feel the pull of our eyelids strong enough that it would no longer open again. We go down, drowse to a whirlpool of sorrow. We lie deep down in the seabed waiting to be the prey of a starving shark. How would you rise back?

Lay back and sleep. Sleep, sleep and sleep. Think and sleep. Sleep and think of the moment you'd love to see yourselves in the near or distant future. Sharpen your senses. Focus. Sleeping the motionless seasons, one day you would start to hate sleeping; the day you'd awake preparing for the next run. Until then, Sleep. Think. Get ready to run.
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I love you. Should I or Shouldn’t I?

Wait a minute, Let me make it clear – I love you.

Blink your eyes. Smile.

I don’t want to know anything more about you – I love you.

When I looked at you,

I didn’t look into whatever what went before,

I didn’t ask the road you reached here,

I didn’t dig deep into your heart that was something else until we met,

I only looked into your eyes to see me in you.

But I did see you breathing in the moment’s biggest qualm;

My perception picked what your eyes quipped – “Should I or Shouldn’t I?”

Unlinked we stood blind.

Sighs became the roar of a wave which bruised the silence.

Yet you walked away.

I felt the pierce of over a thousand tiny pins in my throat,

It grew dry.

But my heart was thinking of the moment when your eyes stuck in the dilemma of Shouldn’t I Love?

At rest, still my dim-witted heart was blabbering – I love you. 

Go.

There are some desires which we all will have to quench, only to please us. Desire in which I'm stuck up now, may be frivolous, may be of no significance to a second eye-- it would even may raise their eyebrows- but it is very much unavoidable to me, for the want of being me, I must chase it. I’ve decided to go behind it.

Why should I care for other peeping eyes starving out in the middle unable to wrap their deepest desire?  I’m into it. You should go with yours or should find yours. There is no one else than you to go behind your wants or to give you the slightest healing touch you always wanted! Go behind your deep desire. Only for you.

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Uncertain Times

My helplessness becomes my evergreen shade to me.

The sand through I walk becomes my only soothe to live.

The faint light of the night becomes my narrow hope to next day.

The slim crescent becomes the modish soothsayer.

My loneliness becomes my untried meditation.

The dry leaves falling to my room becomes my unsung requiem of friendship.

The wind that seeps through my broken window becomes my lady for the day.

The musty room I laze becomes my dishevelled castle of dreams.
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My Bridge.

Am I building a bridge from me to my dreams?

Am I living a life indebted to many?

How long should I wait again to win over my own slowness?

Am I walking slowly or did I ever walk?

Why should I cry when I never responded to my own heart’s call?

Even when people say – “There is a gleam in your eyes…” I find it  hard to be in accord with them. I know; they observe me, very keen.

My heart pound like a boxer's who is waiting to start his final bout to get a result, which would heal his soul wounding his challenger’s self. From here, heart beats faster.

From nowhere, an unknown pain pierces into my veins; I feel sick. I smell death.

I don’t know why my desired roads are closing one by one, even before I walk halfway through it?

I fear.

Still, I’m trying to find my road from the battered roads.

I let my self loose to all strangles happening inside my brain. I hug my uneasiness.

I slip into a deep slumber to my fantasies, where I wedge the gap between my dreams and what my mind craves. I live inside my dreams; at least I live here.

My bridge from me to my dreams is finally connected somehow.

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Island!

Am I turning into a sleepy island where no vegetation would ever grow? Have been I remained an island of similar sort always? I loved sea –for it carried me and my hopes- I don’t want to be in another shore. Turning to an Island, I want to slowly float among the tides being a muddy ship. No great mariner shall not decide my course-let them scull their own thoughts, let them moor it first- I won’t care yet another un-captained salty mud-ship travelling along me. I would float from blue to deep blue, and other hues of marine blue. Amidst another other thousand islands, I would be the abode of silence until my soil is sedimented to the seabed where seaweeds sprout; seahorses live.
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Love is always in the air!

Love is always in the air! When it somehow touches you limping, you feel you are on top of a hill breathing the freshest mass of air. Airborne Imagination kisses you. It gives you fairy white wings. You travel with wind. And yet again, if you feel you need same mint air, when you are really atop a mountain- you're suffocating in love. You become the sheep shaped cloud which doesn’t cause rain. You dissolve into air.
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A Shiny Hope!

You were here when I stepped in.

The surprise in which I’d been was my prelude to the love for you.

The state of daze you were in, made you lose your steps.

You walked into my room.

I entered following You,

You walked back- touching me not!

I looked at you. Silence.

You looked at me. Silence.

Those few seconds we were not strangers.

I felt the tremble of your heart.

I presume your heart also had felt the same.

I heard the sound of a distant rain – You were nearing to me.

But you walked out.

Wasn’t I wrong? Or my preconceptions were?

I saw you walking away. I awoke. You gifted me a longing, a Shiny hope of love!

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I see a few stars growing from the sea!

I see a few stars growing from the sea.

You said they are guitars falling from the unlit sky.

I differ. You differ.

He thought they are yellow tulips thrown into the sea.

He differs!

We all differ! And we fight, until one cry.

Why do we differ seeing the same wavy strokes?

We are people, but not same people. So we differ.

And we fight, and we fight. We all differ.

I still see the roots.

Do you yet see the strings?

He still thinks it as few pulpy flowers to be kissed by the fish!

At last we all agree. We surely see the sea.

And continue to fight, until we all cry.

Untouchables!

Once I asked my father why our clan has been refereed to as ‘Untouchables’. He replied - "We are the sons of this soil, no sun is going to burn us into ashes nor is any deluge going to take us into some unknown isles. Do you know why? We are 'Untouchables!' - He smiled.
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ദൂരെ,അകലെ,അക്കരെ!

ദൂരെ ഇടിമിന്നലുക്കള്‍ പതിഞ്ഞു കേള്‍ക്കുമ്പോള്‍ അങ്ങ് എവിടെയോ പെയുന്ന മഴയുടെ തണുപ്പ്‌ മേലാകെ പടര്‍ന്നിരുന്നപ്പോള്‍, പ്രതീക്ഷകള്‍ ഞാന്‍ അറിയാതെ തന്നെ അകലെയുള്ള മേഘങ്ങളേ തോട്ടിരുന്നു. അക്കരെക്യുള്ള ദൂരം ഞാന്‍ അന്നേ അറിഞ്ഞിരുന്നു. ദൂരെ, അകലെ, അക്കരെ - എന്നും എനിക്ക് കൌതുക്കം ജനിപിക്കുന വാക്കുകള്‍ മാത്രമയിരുനില്ല. പ്രതീക്ഷകള്‍ ഈ വാക്കുകളിലൂടെ ആണ് നടന്നത്. ഇനിയും തൊട്ടറിയാനുള്ള പ്രതീക്ഷകളിലെക്യുള്ള ദൂരം വന്നു ചേരാനുള്ള മഴകാലങ്ങള്‍ക്കുംമപ്പുറം ആന്നെന്ന തിരിച്ചറിവില്‍, കാതിരിപിന്റെ സുഖം തരുന്ന കാറ്റിനെ പിന്തുടരുന്നു ഞാന്‍!
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അതെ, പൂകള്‍ക്ക് മണമുണ്ട്!

നഗരത്തില്‍ വളര്‍ന്ന അവന്‍ ചെടിച്ചട്ടികളിലെ പൂകളെ മാത്രം കണ്ടു. നഗരങ്ങളില്‍ നിന്ന് നഗരങ്ങളിലെക്യ്‌ പായുനതിനിടയില്‍ ഒരികല്‍ അവനു വഴി തെറ്റി. അവന്‍ ആദ്യമായി പുഴ കണ്ടു. കിലുങ്ങി ചിരിക്കുന്ന പുഴ അവന് വിസ്മയമായി. പുഴയോരത് അവന് പൂകളെ ചട്ടികളില്‍ അല്ലാതെ കണ്ടു. അവന് ഒരു പൂവ് പൊട്ടിച് മണത്തു. പറഞ്ഞു കേട്ട കഥകളെ അവന്‍ ആദ്യമായി വിശ്വസിച്ചു. അതെ, പൂകള്‍ക്ക് മണമുണ്ട്! അവന് വന്ന വഴിയിലെക്യു തിരിഞ്ഞു നോകി. അവന് തിരിച്ചറിഞ്ഞു, മാറി വന്ന വഴിയില്‍ ഇനിയുമേറെ കാണാകാഴ്ച്ചക്കള്‍ ഉണ്ടെന്ന പ്രതീക്ഷയില്‍ അവന് മുന്നോട്ടു തന്നെ നടന്നു.
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You.

When my requiem of love ended, only you were along.
You were the only one helped me walk.
You gave me solace when I was hearing the roar of seas within.
You came as light when darkness clutched my eyes.
You called me from behind; you walked alongside, you compelled me to run after you.
All through the alley you were holding my hand.
Your smile became my inspiration to touch tomorrow.
Your deep stares gifted me hope.
When I became tired – you became the flowing river.
When I was about to sleep – you did lay beside.
You touched my eyebrows; waking me to a new dream – to live.
You became my new lover; my wife.
You became the rain to soothe me to new.
You walked along with me to the road end. You kissed me adieu.
You pushed me to the crowd. You walked back.
Years have passed.
Even though I forgot your face; I still feel your warmth, your luck.
I would like to be with you once again- only to see the change along the alley; and to see whether smiles are still blooming in you.
I thank you. I owe you my life.
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Where did I lose my self?

Do I have anything to say? I think I have a lot – but I need a listener.
The memories which the forgetfulness don’t need, doesn’t let me sleep.
My tastes are changing. My emotions are being canned to murkiness.
Through the broken space of my window I can see the night rain slowly touching down. The soundless rain. I would love to cry aloud to tear the morbid silence. Gloominess lives in my paining head. It buzzes around me.

The rivers which are flowing into me are changing its course. I dream of drowning into seas constantly. I become breathless in the surf, I suffocate in the bed.
It’s a state where I’m unable to neither reach the river nor cross the seas.
Why I’m standstill? Were my dreams were the imaginations of the night? Why do my thoughts scaling to undesirable heights? Where did I lose my self? Where did I lose me?

I looked outside once again through my broken window. The rain has stopped. The crickets are creaking. Until now was I talking alone? Or were you with me? Were you hiding somewhere? I know that you were near me. I was talking to you. The darkness was the veil. You were the one who instilled hope in me; the dreams in me and the ego to stand out as me. You are my only listener- the one who befriended me in my every anguish. I was sure that you were hiding here. Thank you for letting your ears. I would like to hug you – my dear loneliness. I love you a lot.
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Piano Friends!

I believe friends are like keys on a piano. Whatever sounds they make individually they stick together to create a unique song. Life.

Colour changes!

Colour changes when it mixes.
Colour changes when it’s rotten.
Colour changes when it is ripe.
Colour changes when it fades.

Seasons change colours.
Seas’ change colour.
Chameleon changes colour.
Woman changes colour!
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How I erase Seasons!

Could you erase a season from your memory?

It’s hardly possible – yet somewhere there is a possibility.

I have had a few faces- smiled along my smiles- forming lively seasons.

My spring, my summer, my fall and my winter were their smiles.

They made me believe; the life will be always the same.

At this point of time, I disbelieved my dreams,

in which, I’d drowned deep into the green seas.

I also tried to disbelieve the prophecies of my inner mind.

But the seasons really change.

The sunshine smiles fade. 

A higher tide again clasps me in its fearful white surf.

Slowly I try to forget all the seasons.

But again new seasons form.

I erase old seasons adding new ones.

Surf is again above me. Tide is getting bigger.

I smile looking at the faded smiles.

Smilingly I ignore the offered smiles.

Blankly I accept newer smiles only to ignore when the season ends.

I make things possible. I ignore me!

Seasons form. Tides are getting bigger.

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I see my own million reflections!

Did I learn to be happy forgetting my happiness?
The day I realized I lost my power to decide, I’d gone blank.
Now I feel the sky like a giant mirror, in which I see my own million reflections.

I see -
me weep.
me frown.
me flying into a moving cloud, jumping down,
floating in the sea -
everything other than a smile.

I see -
my uncountable unseen expressions.
my shadow melting.
my breath whirling around me.
unsmiling lips turned to a thick dead worm.

Staring up I feel the pain of my tears evaporating.
My eyelids have gained weight.
My sky is turning to a large white paper.


I’m dwarfed into my own lazy reflection.
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You walk.

You walk.
You walk towards Green.
You don’t know where it will take you,
But you can follow your talents.
Mid way you’ll meet people who differ with you.
You smile. You Pretend. You work for them too.
Walk through it. Sleep through it. Go on.
Walk until you find green.
Even if you didn’t make it before it was too far,
You’re making building the road to a lot who are following you.
The road will be named after you!
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She is alongside me.

I’m no longer alone.
She is alongside me.
In my unrelated dreams I resist my eagerness to hug her.
Every time when she comes near me I used to pull back.
But not anymore, now she is always near.
In the narrow strip of land amidst the blue seas, only she was with me.
In my every move she held my hand.
She didn’t say anything.
I didn’t say anything.
What should we say – we let our silence speak.
I love her for being what she is.
She is the reason why my heart is now a flowing stream.
In my ruined room, she is near me.
She is my dear. She is loneliness.
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Hopeful human being.

I'm the one who lives hoping that there is always something new to come, something fascinating would probably happen. I always believe there will be a new bright morning, with all possible possibilities of a good fortune day; for a hopeful tommorrow. While thinking and inflating my hopes of being with a better dawn, I miss my today. As every hopeful human being, I still dream of a red horizon, from where new rays of light in varied hues of red will bless my desires. I continue to dream. I live. I'm no less than a human being learning how to live today. I'm no less than you. May you differ?
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H.o.p.e. 2010!

H.o.p.e. 2010! is the new mantra conceived by me to remain hopeful about this year. The acronym "H.o.p.e." enlarges to the idea of Harmonizing Optimism, Passion and Enthusiasm within one.

Isn't it a hopeful move? What else can I hold dear to see the color of my dreams? I believe H.o.p.e. as the only string attached to my desire to be in harmony with my dreams.

For my dreams in the shades of red, I need to have H.o.p.e.
I should have to crystallize it to make my dreary routes clear.
For my "a little too dream'atic" dreams H.o.p.e is the only known elixir.

On a hopeful note I'm welcoming the new year 2010, with a bag full of hopes; hoping hopes would bless. H.o.p.e. 2010!
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